an unsettling thought

I just finished reading Confessions of a Pagan Nun last night, & when I came to the end, I couldn't believe how strongly I felt about it. Here are a few passages that have stuck w/ me:

"I have learned many things since I came to Brigit's chapel & read the letters & scriptures of the saints. I will give here the sum of the facts I have seen concerning the transformation in this land since Christians have come here, in case they not be recorded by another hand:

-1st, improvements in tools & methods used for husbandry
-2nd, increase in varieties & hardiness of plants & domestic animals
-3rd, decrease in violence between tuaths & in the taking of hostages
-4th, increase in literacy & knowledge of the world
-5th, increase in the distance between the rick & the poor, the latter increasing in numbers while the former increase in wealth
-6th, decrease in the influence & freedom of women, whose councils exist no longer & whose property has been diminished
-7th, increase in cruelty to the land & disregard for its power & beauty"

It hurts me to think that the world's slow decline to what we now have is, in my opinion, a disregard for its power & beauty.

"Surely a wise leader would see the benefits of marrying old wisdom to new devices, of scorning intolerance & dogma while embracing the new heroes & rituals, which have such pretty sounds & good influence. I would live in a world full of Christ-like humans, but not one full of Christians, may God forgive me."

"Whoever reads this, do not be told what to do to receive grace. You know in your heart..."

"I long for the times when a man's head was severed because another man wanted what he had. Here is a direct motive. I had thought that the love of Christ would make us kinder & less likely to smash skulls. But now I see that we will be asked to smash skulls for Christ."

Those passages stick with me, as does this final thought. The main character of this story, Gwynneve, was a pagan that lied about being baptized to enter the chapel to have a peaceful life of reading & transcribing. She was eventually condemmed as a witch & thrown down a water well. Here is something that haunts me: I am also a pagan, & I work for Catholic Charities. I have also worked for the YMCA, & though it shouldn't shock me to think about it, I was also condemmed there (for having depression), & forced to quit. It's an unpleasant thread to follow. I hope things don't repeat themselves.